


Shaking Off the Dust

by pikachucutie17



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Beast Boy has poor self-esteem and it shows, Cleaning, F/M, Gen, Heart-to-Heart, Late Night Conversations, Raven has trouble opening up and it shows, trauma from the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24434365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikachucutie17/pseuds/pikachucutie17
Summary: A combination of spring cleaning and late night reading leads to an unexpected heart-to-heart that neither Beast Boy nor Raven realized they needed.
Relationships: Garfield Logan/Raven, Raven Beast Boy Friendship
Kudos: 90





	Shaking Off the Dust

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally for the BBRae Zine that got cancelled, but I still wanted to post this because these two always need more love from me. Enjoy!

Despite being part demon, a creature associated with darkness, Raven had a standard sleep schedule. The headaches induced from staying up too late tended to aggravate her powers and often required a longer meditation session to alleviate. On this particular night, however, the trilogy Raven was close to finishing was simply too much of a cliffhanger to leave until morning. Her extended reading session paid off, as the book ended on a surprisingly non-cliché and satisfactory note and she was only suffering from mild thirst.

 _Nothing a little tea can't cure_ , Raven thought as she stood up, stretching her tense legs.

Leaving the quiet of her room, she noticed a dim light down the hall. Shuffling past Beast Boy's room, she blinked wearily at the light that peeked out from under his door. Only unintelligible mumbling sounded from inside. Raven shrugged, figuring he was up late playing a tough level of M _ega Monkey: Apes Rising_ on his GameDude console again. He hadn't done that in some time, but old habits die hard.

With that, Raven continued on her way. Having made it to the kitchen and satisfied her parched throat with warm herbal tea, she came back past Beast Boy's room. This time, she heard a yelp, followed by the crashing of Beast Boy and what sounded like a stack of comic books hitting the floor.

Raven sighed. She couldn't let that go uninvestigated. At the very least, she felt she had to know if Beast Boy had managed to break a toe tripping over his massive collection of nerdy treasures again.

Opening the door, she spied Beast Boy rubbing his face. Around him were his possessions, pulled from his closet and tossed around the room in what, to her eyes, was a haphazard mess. The garbage can in the corner was stuffed well past the brim with dolls—action figures, as he insisted—that Raven was certain he had had since the Tower was first built. Beast Boy caught sight of her. Surprised, then sheepish, he attempted to stand amidst the scattered pile surrounding him.

"Care to explain what you're up to on this once peaceful night?" she inquired as he morphed into a hummingbird, flitted over the pile, and returned to his human form right in front of her.

"I'm, uh, cleaning up a bit," he said, clearing his throat.

"If by 'cleaning' you mean 'purging your room of all of your cherished comics and collectibles'."

"If you'd like to help, then it would get done quicker. Heck, you could pick it all up with your powers." He gestured towards the remaining work. Raven didn't take the bait.

"I'd rather not be partially responsible for the post-cleaning regret you could have." She took a pointed look at his belongings, as if to emphasize just how much he was suggesting tossing out.

"Aw come on, Raven." He picked up a random comic by his feet and waved it. "Do you really think I'll miss _Goo Goblins #37_? I think I've moved on past that one."

Raven shrugged in slight agreement. The admittedly campy-looking comic was certainly goofy enough to make a seventeen-year-old question if he was engaging in appropriate level material. Still, Beast Boy was always one to cling to childish endeavors.

"If you insist," is all she could comment. If he was truly ready for such an adjustment, she wouldn't be the one to stop him.

Grinning satisfactorily, Beast Boy took to scooping up his disheveled comics and setting them in lumps just outside his room. Raven stepped further into his room to allow him through the open door.

"I'll just set these out here for now. Then I can get them into boxes and maybe even pass them out to some kids at their schools. I know a few _Dirty Dan_ fans who would kill for some of these issues," Beast Boy thought out loud, already beaming at the thought of making a kid's day.

"Just as long as their parents don't object," Raven snarked, hoping that _Dirty Dan_ wasn't about a kid who refused to take a bath. The last thing Robin would want was a surge of complaints from parents claiming they were bad influences on the youth.

Watching Beast Boy's slow progress, Raven's curiosity got the better of her and she leaned down to investigate what kind of reading Beast Boy had invested himself in for all of these years. There were plenty of brightly colored covers of fictional superhero groups. Why these were written when literal superheroes saved the world was beyond her. Beneath that was a handful of light horror, with cartoonish monsters chasing hapless teenage victims. Perfect for a demographic who hadn't witnessed literal demons in their lifetime. Next was . . .

Raising it up for a closer look, it dawned on her just what she was holding.

"Wait, is this-?"

"Crud! My bad!" Beast Boy rushed over to carefully take the book from her hands. "This must have been mixed with my Deranged Daredevils collection. I wasn't going to throw this one out, promise."

Beast Boy reached over her to place the book on the singular chair in the room. So far, the supposed 'safe' pile consisted of childhood classics, _Insect Care for Dummies_ , _1001 Drop Dead Puns_ , and a few wildlife encyclopedias. The newest addition was gifted to Beast Boy by Raven for his first birthday after the team had formed. Back then, she hardly knew him, but didn't want to deny him the joy of receiving a gift from someone he always reached out to. So, she decided on something that could either come across as a gag gift or a genuine appeal to his interests, despite her complete uncertainty on whether or not he would appreciate it.

When he ripped open the packaging and read the title, _The Essential Calvin and Hobbes_ , he lit up.

"Oh, cool! I've read some of these before! I don't know half the words that come out of the kid's mouth, but the tiger is pretty cool! Thanks, Raven." He gave her a classic toothy smile and Raven was admittedly relieved that he didn't reject the gift or feel any disappointment.

That was years ago, though. Was he still so attached to that particular book? Raven had given him far more personal gifts since getting to know him on a more familiar level.

"Why is that one an exception?" she posed the question as he squatted next to the pile she was looking through.

"Hmm?" Beast Boy looked back for clarification, and a light bulb went off.

"Oh! That's easy. Because you gave it to me. You probably knew I wouldn't get half the jokes, but you took a chance anyway. Maybe I'd get it eventually, you know?" His voice trailed off at that last statement.

There it was. Something truly was nagging at him, then. That something had pushed him to embark on a spontaneous cleaning spree to either distract or remedy. While Beast Boy was, oddly enough, the toughest one on the team for her to read empathetically, he was normally easy to understand by his actions alone. However, she had noticed a pattern with him over the years. He was the best at wearing a mask. Robin attempted to remain stoic, but one could still tell what he was feeling. Beast Boy, on the other hand, played pretend. Concealing aggravation and hurt with a stream of jokes was his fallback. This left him with buried sadness, which was never good for the long-term psyche.

Considering how to approach the situation, Raven supposed prodding him a bit would perhaps bring more clarity as to the cause of his distress.

"Hmm. I figured your vocabulary would expand."

"When, though?" Beast Boy let slip out. He asked so sullenly, the way that a child would when they were seeking approval. Raven recognized this tone from her time spent with Melvin as she began her early teen years. The girl wanted more independence, but a part of her still sought to know that Raven was proud of her in everything that she did.

Upon realizing his slip-up, Beast Boy's eyes darted around the room. He nabbed a toy from the pile before him and held it up.

"Does this one bring back memories or what?" he chuckled, beaming a large smile. It was the singing monkey with the cymbals that sounded while Raven's manifested fear chased the Titans throughout the Tower.

Raven sighed softly. That was a poor diversion and he knew it.

"Beast Boy, why are you doing this?" she queried, gesturing around the room. "This 'spring cleaning' is too out of character to come out of nowhere."

"Can't a guy want a little more walking room?"

"Not when it involves pretending that nothing's wrong."

Raven's eyes met his. He held contact for mere moments before the façade cracked.

Beast Boy's false smile slowly dropped. He knew he shouldn't be hiding from her. Raven was one of his best friends, after all.

"'s not a big deal," he mumbled, looking away.

"It is if it's bothering you," she responded, gently touching his shoulder to get his attention. Beast Boy turned back to her, setting the monkey down.

How would he start?

"It's kind of complicated."

Raven had the time for him.

"Then start from the beginning."

With that, Beast Boy sat back, leaning his cheek on a propped-up knee. Raven lowered herself into a crisscross, fully facing him. He took a few moments to collect his thoughts, memories reflecting clearly in his eyes.

"Back, ah, with the Doom Patrol, I was just a kid when Mento started training me. He saw that my powers could be controlled and used for the greater good. And I wanted to be a hero! I wanted to help others. But I wasn't used to getting shot at or transforming so much I passed out. It was rough for a while. And I messed up. A lot.

"Mento never let me forget any of the mistakes I made, even long after I learned from them. Sometimes, it took longer than it should have to learn, but I eventually got it. But that wasn't good enough for him. It was for Rita, but Mento was the one in charge, so there was never an end to it."

Beast Boy exhaled, stopping for a moment to likely push away memories that were crawling out of unpleasant depths of his subconscious.

"And that's part of why you left?" Raven prompted.

"That was a big part of it. Just one day decided that I had enough, and I thought I could grow stronger if I became the sidekick of someone who could actually help me build on when I did something right. And when I met you guys, things were finally different, and everyone could rely on me in a fight. That felt good and I thought that maybe I wasn't a total screw up after all. But today, with the mission I just- I messed up really bad and I knew what I did wrong right as it was happening."

 _Oh_.

Raven and Starfire had split off from the boys to tend to another emergency and didn't hear back from them until after their mission was complete. Robin had seemed somewhat frazzled, but otherwise they had been successful as well. She hadn't heard about any particular difficulties on their end.

Beast Boy continued on, his frustrations spilling out at this point.

"I mean, Robin and Cyborg were able to fix it, but Mumbo almost got away. We had him, but I slipped up and he did a lot more damage before we nabbed him again. That's the kind of dumb mistake I made when I was just a kid, except back then, people died." He nearly choked on his last words.

Raven's thoughtful expression instantly morphed into a mixture between solemnity and shock. She had no idea he carried such a weight.

"Beast Boy . . ."

He let out a humorless laugh, his eyes unfocused and unwilling to meet hers.

"Do you ever just . . . get frustrated that you haven't changed at all? Sometimes I still feel like the kid that can't follow an order without screwing something up. I'm trying to get better at my job, but that's not enough when lives are in danger," he agonized, reaching up to grip his hair in his fist.

His emotions were beginning to overwhelm him. Beast Boy was so used to holding these demons in that he didn't know how to handle them when they reared their ugly heads. And he hated himself for dumping his worries on Raven. She didn't need to be dragged into his problems; he should be able to handle them on his own by now.

However, one fact that Beast Boy forgot was that Raven was a healer. She knew that part of the healing process included recognizing the hurt so one could fully recover.

"Beast Boy, you're right to feel frustrated over this." Raven began gently, so as to properly acknowledge his despair. "But you have grown up through the years that I've known you."

"Today might prove you wrong," he sighed defeatedly.

"One bad day doesn't always indicate a pattern. Failing to react well under pressure happens to even the most disciplined of people."

"Does it happen to you?"

Raven blinked. Where did that come from?

"What do you mean?"

"You're always so in control and know what to do. I just don't know if I can ever be as level-headed as you are." Truthfully, though he complained about her supposed standoffishness when they first met, Beast Boy always admired her ability to remain calm. She could be cranky at times, but Raven was the Titan to turn to when you needed sage-like wisdom and a calming presence.

". . . Not always."

Beast Boy paused. He met her earnest and somewhat hesitant eyes. Where did that come from?

Raven pressed her lips tightly together, then, ever so slowly, began to speak.

"Sometimes . . . I think that I'm still as much of an isolated shut-in as when the team formed. You guys understand my snark, but I still go too far at times and I can tell the others don't want to tell me that I hurt their feelings. We all struggle with insecurity, Beast Boy, no matter how well we hide it."

Beast Boy leaned toward her, resting a hand in the space between them.

"You've grown so much though, Raven. I've noticed how much more you smile nowadays, and you actually talk to us about what you're thinking about. I don't think you would have been caught dead in my room like this when we first met," he cracked a small smile, realizing just how intimate their situation was.

Raven relaxed, quietly grateful that the Beast Boy she knew was reemerging.

"No, I wouldn't have."

Now it was her turn.

"But the same goes for you. You take initiative when it's called for and frankly, some of your strategies are the reason we make it through rougher battles."

"Name one time," Beast Boy held up a finger, still not entirely convinced.

"The initial charge against the Brotherhood. Morphing into a jellyfish to filter Scarecrow's fear gas. Disabling that bomb as a cockroach so you wouldn't be detected or incinerated," Raven listed off confidently.

Beast Boy looked down, pondering her words. His shoulders relaxed and a soft smile slowly crept up onto his cheeks.

"Huh. I guess that was pretty mature of me," he chuckled.

"You know," she started, peering her head down to catch his eyes once more. "If you're so worried about making mistakes, maybe talk to Robin about changing your training routine. Having variety might help your ability to react appropriately to any situation."

"Yeah. That'd probably be a good place to start."

"Also," she began, gesturing to the mess around them. "Growing up doesn't mean getting rid of your childhood joys. It just means you step up without being asked to."

"I suppose you're right. But I've been meaning to clean up for a while. Kind of hard to stay focused with so much clutter in your room."

"Maybe leave it until you get a good night's sleep," she suggested.

"Eventually, but first there's something I want to try."

"And that would be . . .?"

Beast Boy reached back and grabbed the treasure that had sparked their night of revelations.

"Giving this book a try." He waved the _Calvin and Hobbes_ compilation before her. "You've granted me so much wisdom just now, I must have aged a few decades mentally. That is, if you're not too tired."

His hopeful expression was too much to pass up, especially at a time when he had opened up so much to her. It was out of character, but Raven was willing to give it a shot.

"I think I'm up for a little humor."

Beast Boy mock grabbed his heart.

"Such an anomaly only comes once every other blood moon, so I'll have to cherish you discovering your sense of humor."

"The anomaly will pass faster the longer you talk about it."

"Got it."

They sat on the floor together, each holding one end of the book. Page by page, Beast Boy laughed outwardly at Calvin's incessantly precocious dialogue. His eyes lit up as he brushed Raven's shoulder, giddy to share the joke with her. Raven, in return, chuckled at Hobbes' playful antics and allowed Beast Boy to see her rare carefree expressions.

What happened next truly made their night. The punchline was perfectly worded and timed for the both of them and they shared a singular moment of genuine laughter. Raven's only a brief chortle and Beast Boy's a lengthier guffaw, but the laughter of two friends nonetheless.

Raven could have denied the moment and blamed her increasingly delirious state. But she wasn't about to deny Beast Boy the rare opportunity to have made her laugh. After all, sharing this moment with him was the best feeling she had all day.


End file.
